Death of Our Soldiers

   So this post is personal and not an easy one to write but the fact is we've lost eleven of our guys on this deployment. This is the only deployment (this is my third) that we've been through that we've lost any. It doesn't get any easier with the news of the loss of another soldier. The emotions are all over the place of what you experience. I'm so thankful it's not my husband but to know that there is another wife, mother, child that is going to have to walk through this life without their love one is so disheartening. Every time I hear the news of another loss it reminds me of the nearness of this outcome for my family. I know God will help all of us get through come what may but it's still a very hard thing to face. What makes all of this even harder for me is the fact that I do not share any of these feelings or the fact that we've lost even one soldier with my sons. I just feel it would scare them and they aren't able to comprehend the fact that Daddy might not come home. I also feel awful for being thankful that my husband is safe for now, knowing that another family  isn't as lucky as mine. Lord knows, this deployment has taken a toil on me, my faith, and my mental health. I just want my husband to come home safely.
   However, on the other side of that I know my husband is doing his duty of serving our country and keeping it a safe place for others. I have tremendous pride in him. There are moments (sometimes more than less) of being bitter that I have to live with the constant fear of knowing the uncertainty of what our family faces. It doesn't seem fair that others walk around in oblivion (or at least it seems like it to me) of what we face on a daily basis.
   Then there is the other fact that my husband is faced with loosing comrades and friends. How does that affect a person? I know I'm changed because of this deployment and I wonder how this will affect our family when we are reunited. I place my hope and trust in God but the mere fact of my daily battle right now is simply holding on to the hope that there will be a day when this is all over.
   This post comes on the heels of learning that we just lost another three guys. We haven't lost anybody for the last month or so and I was just getting into a comfort zone of maybe it was safe to start breathing and going on with life.