Wanting My Hubby to Come Home Now

   Just found out that my hubby's group had two guys killed yesterday. All I want is for him to come home now! I know if he was here or could talk to me right now though he would say "Jess, this is what we do and we know what we are up against." I had a talk to him about this before this deployment. So strong, so confident, not sure if that is how he always feels, but that is how he presents himself. Missing my man and wishing I could talk to him once more. But standing firm knowing that God has him in his hands and the rest of those overseas. Also praying for the families of the guys that won't make it home this time.

Transitions

   I'm not much of a transition person. My youngest son just finished two years at the same daycare and is getting ready to start pre k. It's not that I mind that he is growing up some more, that is unavoidable and I enjoy my boys as they go through life at different stages. They all come with their pros and cons. I'm just not much of a goodbye person. They tend to make me cry and I'm not much of a public crier so that makes me uncomfortable.
   I still remember when I left my first professional job to head back home during the last deployment. I cried at the staff meeting saying goodbye to everybody, then I cried saying goodbye to all my clients, and of course I cried as I pulled away from my home in OK to head back to Pa. There are good and bad in transitions and I'm a positive person and like to see the good in things but I just really don't like goodbyes. I suspect because I've had my fair share of them that they just get to me, which I'm not to emotional, or at least, tend not to show it, so that puts me in an awkward state.
   Anyways, my son's teacher said one of the sweetest compliments I have received as I told her goodbye this morning, "Your boys have been great to work with (she had both of them) and you've been a wonderful parent to work with too". You see I'm the one that is working with parents on my side and more often than not it can be challenging and I want everyone to know no matter what professional goals I have and am and will always be working towards, my kiddos and family always come first.
   And I really am looking forward to this next season with my youngest son being at my school with the same teacher big brother had for pre k. It's just a little bittersweet.

Missed Phone Calls

   I hate missed phone calls from my hubby. However, it's a little inevitable when I don't have my phone strapped to me. And at times even when I do. I missed a phone call one Saturday morning when I was cleaning the house. It turned out the volume was turned all the way down. Go figure. Another time, I was in the middle of checking our school group into the zoo and didn't make it to my phone which was in the bottom of my purse. And then the other night he called me after I had just fallen to sleep for about an hour, not sure what happened that time, guess I was passed out from the activity of the day. Anyways, it's inevitable but I still don't like it. And I'm sure my hubby doesn't like it either. But what is worst then the actual missed phone call is that I can't pick up the phone and call him whenever I want, or even just return a phone call that I missed whatever the reason. Missing my hubby tonight and wish I could call him.

New Beginnings

   Tonight I took my youngest school shopping. He starts pre k this school year. I'm excited about this new season. It's amazing that we are already at this point but it's also very exciting!

Army Wife Moto

    I bought a shirt this past weekend at the deployment yellow ribbon training. It's an army wife motto that I think is very fitting. I don't know who wrote it but I like it and am adopting it as my own as I'm sure there are lots of other army wives that feel the same.

The Silent Ranks

I wear no uniform, no camouflage,

blues or army greens

But I am in the Military in the ranks rarely seen

I have no rank upon my shoulders - salutes I do not give

But the military world is the place where I live

I'm not in the chain of command, orders I do not get

I'm not the one who fires the weapons,

who puts my life on the line

But my job is just as tough. I'm the one that's left behind

My husband is a patriot, a brave and prideful man

And the call to serve his country not all can understand

Behind the lines I see the things needed to keep this country free

My husband makes the sacrifice, but so do our kids and me

I love the man I married,

the Military is his life

But I stand among the silent ranks known as the....

Army Wife

Phone Calls in the Middle of the Night

   So last night I got a call in the middle of the night, well early morning, but it felt like I had just fallen asleep. In general, as humans, I think it is instinctual to feel like someone is hurt or in trouble if we get a call in the middle of the night. However, when you are going through a deployment a phone call is worth it, even if it is in the middle of the night. On the other hand, that doesn't mean I'm comprehending much of the conversation when this happens. It doesn't help that my hubby is in the middle of his day and wide awake. And then trying to go back to sleep after the abrupt call is a whole other story. And to top it off, last night, my hubby asked me if everything was okay, if there was anything I needed. My mind was already muddled from being awaken from a deep sleep but my honest reply was that "Nathan is having some crying spells again but there isn't anything you can do about that." Anyways, I'll take phone calls whenever my hubby chooses to call me I just can't promise that I'll make much sense on the other side of the line in the middle of the night. Just hearing his voice makes me smile though so it's all worth it :)

FRG and All That Jazz

   Today I went to a deployment briefing. I was actually impressed with all the resources and information that was shared there. The military has really stepped up their family support component since the last deployment. Although it's hard for me to really say because I was out of state for the last one so I kept in contact through phone and computer. It's different face to face. I'm excited to get my face out there and get to know more army spouses. I'm learning even more these days some experiences you take away what you are willing to put in.

Friends, Family, and Babysitters

   I'm blessed with great friends, responsible babysitters for the boys, and a family that will do most anything for me and the boys. So thankful for such a great support system in my life. It makes deployments doable and sometimes even enjoyable :)

care package

   I sent my first care package to my hubby this deployment. This is not my strong point but he requested some boots so I sent them and a few other things. I won't spoil it on the off chance that he reads this blog. However, I must say my experience at the post office was pretty good. I had a bad experience on our first deployment and that doesn't make me very excited about going there but hopefully this will help ease my mind for future trips.

Memories!

   Too much to do on my to do list. So you asked what did I spend my time doing tonight? Going through pictures of course! I just got a bunch of pictures for my current scrapbook that I'm working on which is from 2007-2008, our 2nd deployment: Iraq. Call me weird but I enjoy looking through all those pictures and remembering how we made it through that time. I even met some great people that I wouldn't have unless it was for that deployment. I especially like looking at our reunion pictures. Looking forward to our reunion from this deployment, ah, if it wasn't so far away. Oh well, another day down!

Work

   Not much going on here. This heat is exhausting but we are hanging in there.

Sometimes it's the simple things......

   Today was  a good day. It was refreshing to just hang out with the boys and relax. We went to church this morning where I played with some of the babies. After church, we headed to McDonald's to use the first of their library coupons. They are very proud of their coupons they earned. Then we headed to the pool but ended up getting there an hour before it opened up so we took a detour and went to the splash pad for a little bit and then went back to the pool. They wrestled and jumped on each other almost the whole time at the pool. They should sleep good tonight.
   During one of the more quite parts of our time at the pool they both informed me that they want to be teachers when they grow up. Nathan has been on this kick for quite a while about being a teacher when he gets older. I asked Jacob what he wanted to be and I think he was just going along with big brother. Anyways, I thought it was cute. They both are talking about going to college already, that is kind of scary, but good to hear them thinking that way. Nathan was asking me about how old he has to be to drive a car too. Suddenly I'm seeing life flash before my eyes, and I'm thinking slow down. I'm sure glad I take the opportunity to do things with my boys as they are growing up because one day they will be out of the house but for now I'm enjoying each season and stage. In the process of our conversation Nathan asked me, "Mommy how many times have you been married?" I couldn't help myself I laughed out loud. I said once, and once is enough for Mommy. Jacob proceeded to tell us both that I wasn't married because he didn't remember me getting married. I guess if it happened before him it doesn't count, that could be scary! These moments make me smile! There really never is a dull moment when it comes to having kids.

50/50

   Today I went to a FRG event (Family Readiness Group), basically a support group for the family while our guys are overseas. This is our third deployment but my first time being involved with the FRG. The first deployment I was a girlfriend/fiance. The second deployment I moved back home to Pennsylvania to be with my family. This deployment I've kind of started my own support group. Their are advantages and disadvantages to both. I'm hoping to get to know more of the FRG ladies throughout this deployment. We'll see how this all goes.

Take it or Leave it

   Tonight I got to get take out for dinner and the boys had sandwiches (without cheese). No, I did not go out and leave them with a babysitter that just happened to forget to put cheese on their sandwiches (which I think would be hard to do anyways). This was their consequences for their behavior at the store when I was running errands. I'm not sure where I would rate myself on the patient factor, probably a 5 if it were a scale of 1-10.
   I ran a lot of errands today, most of them before I picked the kids up. However, I had a few things to do after I got them. I decided to finish them, pick up dinner, and then watch a movie with the kids at home. My boys are four and six, this should be an easy enough task to accomplish. We even got root beer floats at the daycare before we left to do errands. The first stop was my job to get a little bit of paperwork done. This may sound boring, however, since I work with kids, we have a TV where they can play Mario Kart, if they earn a reward so I let the boys play that while I did some paperwork. That went pretty smooth. Next stop was Lowe's for some miracle growth for my flowers. My six year old attempted to climb in the cart to sit. He's to big for this and I made it very clear that he was not going to be able to sit in it. He proceeded to have a fit, arms crossed, crying and pouting that he can't get in the cart. I had also brought the boys iPhones (which have games on them) to play while I was getting my errands done. So I simply took this and told him if he didn't get his behavior back in line that he was not going to earn dinner or a movie. He barely restrained himself and got his behavior back in check.
   Next was Target for some curtain rods (I know our life is so exciting!). Anyways, my six year old decided to try and look at his brothers phone since he had lost his at the prior store. Jacob, my four year old proceeded to rub it in Nathan's face that he had his phone and big brother didn't (ha, ha I get to play and you don't). While my older son walked around the kart trying to get a better view. Then they proceeded to go back and forth about who started what and who did what. I proceeded to stop in the middle of the aisle and tell them that there will be no dinner out and that we will go home to eat. This of course didn't go to well with them. They continued to talk about underwear (which we were buying for them) and laughing and giggling between themselves. So I opted to take their movie away and have already threatened them that if they don't earn it tomorrow afternoon that I will take it back unwatched. I'm not paying an extra dollar for their bad behavior!
   When we got to the car I had a talk with them about their behavior which succeeded with quite from both of them. They knew Mommy was not happy! However, on my way home I was thinking "why should I have to pay for their behavior?" I happened to have had a very productive day, getting a lot accomplished (most of which were for them). So I stopped and got take out for myself! I'm hoping this lesson gets through to them. There now I feel better! And I still get to watch my movie tonight :)

Songs say a lot....

Here is a link another military wife sent me about what we think when our hubby's and loves ones are overseas. So true, sometimes there simply aren't words. I let these words speak for tonight.

http://www.facebook.com/l/AAQBDuklOAQBAgE4JF-AXBWejmcUV53PJS89ghtWjq2APlw/www.youtube.com/watch?v=1d4Fkd7bPjg&feature=related

   Not much to say tonight, missing my man so I'm going settle down with a good book until I'm tired and ready to go to sleep. Tomorrow's another night.

How to manage "busy"?

One of my keys to managing the business of life right now is cooking meals and freezing them on the weekends for the week days. This is something I started a little bit when I was doing my grad classes. Now, that I'm doing the single Mom thing and the boys are busy with their sport activities it's amazing how fast my days go. So I've started trying to make most of our meals on the weekend and freeze them to either make in a casserole dish for later or have in individual portion sizes so we can heat them up in the microwave and have a quick meal.

Mondays

   It's another Monday. I feel prepared going into this week since I took Saturday to relax and Sunday to have a game plan for the rest of the week. I'm hoping Jacob isn't getting sick. He just wasn't himself this evening.

Cleaning

   Today I finished organizing and cleaning the rest of the house. I've officially gone through and decluttered as much as possible and organized the things in the house again. I started last weekend going through things looking for the passports but couldn't find them. Thankfully, I have the passports coming in the mail. Now, I'm ready for the work week. I even have a game plan to get my to do list done before we leave for Canada at the end of the month.

Water Park

   The boys and I went to the water park with some other army wives and their kiddos. It was fun. The boys already asked to go back so I know they had a lot of fun. It's been so hot here this summer that swimming seems like the best thing to do on these hot weekends.
   The boys got to Skype with Daddy this morning too, the first time since he's been in country. They thought it was funny because his picture kept on freezing due to his connection. It was just nice to be able to see them talk to him and see his face.
   I heard some information today that makes me a little more nervous about this deployment but I'm trying not to freak out because obviously that doesn't help anybody. I'll just continue to pray for everyone's safety. It's interesting the boys don't seem to concerned about their Daddy's safety. They just miss him.

It's the Weekend!

   Yea, the weekend, fun! Tonight I just hung out with the boys and relaxed at home. Fridays really are one of my favorite days!

Phone calls~

Two phone calls in a row. I'm feeling spoiled and loved. I can get use to this :)

So tired

   This week we are taking the kids I work with swimming and I'm going to the gym three times as well. I officially am exhausted because I was falling asleep reading to the boys at eight. Time for me to go to bed. Sleep well all.

Anxiety, I'm not completly innocent in this either.

   I'm not an overly anxious person or depressed person for that matter. However, these last several weeks have been difficult. My hubby is officially overseas and no matter how much I thought it would be the same, since he's been gone several months for training, the actual transition of knowing I can't just pick up the phone and talk to him has been difficult. I had my day of laying in bed and being depressed but then I got myself up and got busy with the kids and life again. After all, life doesn't stop, even if my love is across the ocean.
   On top of that, I have an upcoming trip to Canada at the end of this month to go visit family. I need the passports for the kiddos and I. We got some about a year and a half ago when we went to visit Canada so I knew we had them and I thought it would take a bit of digging but surely I would have them with all our important paperwork. However......when push came to shove (I tore up my whole house), which I guess gave me an excuse to declutter and organize, I still had no passports. So for the last week I've been trying to get paperwork together to get our passports processed again. After crying several times on Friday, while trying to deal with this process, (and taking some much needed time off this weekend) I pulled myself back together and got on a mission to complete the passport process this morning. While, I had to make several trips, pay extra to expedite the process, I accomplished the mission. And I had three very nice ladies help in the process :) In which the lady at the bank, who notarized my statement, thanked me for my service since my hubby is overseas. I'm grateful for the thanks, I feel like a lot of times the family isn't acknowledged in the whole process. All I could do was nod to acknowledge that I heard her or I would have broke down crying, which I did not want to do at the bank!
And if all that wasn't enough I'm not exactly sure why but my online banking account has decided to lock myself and my hubby out twice in the last week. So I simply called and got it taken care of the first time. However, the second time when I attempted to call and get our account unlocked the customer service lady wouldn't help me since my husband set up the account, even though both of our names our on the account. I'm still dealing with this but will get to the bottom of this as well.
These things are just a few of why I've been dealing with anxiety lately. Now hoping things calm down.

Happy 4th, doing firecrackers with the boys.

   Wow, I slept in until ten this morning! I never sleep that late. I just happened to be exhausted from all the activities the boys and I were doing this weekend I guess. We had brunch and then later after some housework and some grocery shopping we went to the pool for a little bit. Then this evening we did firecrackers. I'm surprised how much we got for ten dollars. It was a lot of fun!

Fireworks

   Fireworks tonight with the boys. We went to a local church that puts on fireworks and activities for the kids. It's the first time we went and there was lots of people! The boys had fun and I enjoyed it too. It only took us about forty-five minutes to get home when it normally takes ten minutes.
   I also got some cleaning and laundry done before the fun this evening. The boys and I went through all their toys and cleaned their room.

Fun!

   The boys and I took the day off and did some fun things! We don't usually take the day and just chill but it was overdue and needed so we took time to hang out with each other and friends and make some great memories. We went to see Cars Two with some other army wives and their kiddos in 3d. Then we went to the library to get some books. After, that we headed to the pool to chill out with our friends some more. We ate popcorn and McDonald's for snack and dinner. And to end off the day we met up at the park with a friend to get some pictures and stopped by QT for some frozen drinks. We even sat out on the porch for a little bit and just relaxed together. I love these moments. Being a parent isn't easy but when I take the initiative to step back and just make the most of things it's amazing what the perspective can do.

Happy 4th of July Weekend!

   I'm excited for a little more time off with my boys to relax and do some fun things! We get to celebrate our nation's birthday :) I hope everyone enjoys. I bought fireworks for the boys this evening and we went to build a bear and made some army bears for the boys.