The Truth of the Matter

   The truth of the matter is that I'm not a crier. However, this deployment I've had at least four meltdowns (crying sessions) due to stress and life. Today by far was the most humiliating (maybe). I was at the doctor's office and she kept asking me questions about my husband and family. Sometimes I want others to ask and show support and that they care about what's going on, others time I just don't want to go there. Today was definitely, don't go there or I'm going to start crying. She didn't get that memo and I started bawling in the doctor's office. It was humiliating, so then why do I share, because life is messy and complicated, even more so when you are going through a deployment. Thankfully, I was able to regroup and go on but it took a conversation over the phone with another army wife and some helpful insight from my supervisor. Now to remember, just one foot in front of the other.

Sometimes I Simply Cannot Do It All.

   I've learned through this deployment, that I simply cannot do it all. Now I've learn this lessons several times before, but it takes me awhile to really get it. I've got this control thing about me that I want things to go a certain way and when they do not I start getting frustrated. Being a Mom and a therapist I've learned that I can't base my day off of my kids (my own and my clients) behavior. I can only control how I respond, not what they do. Being a Mom that is constantly on the go, especially right now with football thrown into the routine, I've learned that I simply have to let go (or go crazy), and seeing that I'm basically a single Mom right now, number two is not an option. So if I don't get to workout as much as I want I'll survive, if I have to go through the drive through or eat on the go, it will be okay, and when my day and life does not go as planned (because let's face it, when does it really?!), I need to take a deep breath, and jump back in with two feet. I know I'm not perfect and I've got a great support system but overall it's me and my boys and we are just taking it one day at a time. Don't worry, I have a plan, I always do, it just rarely actually goes according to it. My life seems to go by the theme: structure with flexibility. Sometimes I wish life lessons were easier but then I guess they wouldn't stick with me as much.

The Good and the Bad

   Today was busy. This morning was good but this afternoon and evening was a little more rocky but nothing to big. I'm ready for another day. Goodnight all.

Taking Control Back

   This last week has been very busy with meeting teachers and getting the boys settled into their school routines. On top of that, my oldest son is doing football so we've been super busy with practices and games. My house took a beating, but I had a goal to regain control of my house and I did today. I got almost all the laundry done and it's looking pretty good. Now to just keep it up during the week. I even took some much needed time to chill with my sons today. I know it's okay to stay busy during deployment, it makes it go faster. However, on the other hand, there is such a thing as to busy, which I'm trying to balance.

I Don't Have Much to Say this Week.

   It's been a very busy week and I'm overwhelmed with life so instead of write all of that a friend of mine posted this. I think this is a very honorable thing to do.

Man uses scrapbooks to comfort families of fallen soldiers | Tulsa World

http://www.tulsaworld.com/

I Can't Say It Better Than This

   A message from one of our guys over there.

An update of sorts... transperancy revealed

One Soldiers comments that is touching many   An update of sorts.... transparency revealed by Erik Wolf on Thursday, August 18, 2011 My beloved friends and family....   I've thought for a long time about writing an update... trying to conjure up words to somehow describe to you how things are over here. My past...

By: ‎45th Infantry Brigade Combat Team

One of My Favorite Songs

   This is one of my favorite songs right now for this season of my life.

Casting Crowns - Praise You In This Storm

http://www.youtube.com/

 

Reasons to Love a Soldier :)

   I got this from a friend's facebook who stole it from someone so I don't know where it orginated but I loved it so now I'm claiming it for my blog.
Reasons to Love a Soldier:
-Always looks good in uniform
-Pretrained to obey order
...-Can make a meal out of anything
-Knows how to handle his equipment
-Carries a big gun
-Great at night maneuvers
-Can fix anything
-Knows how to do laundry
-Can sleep anywhere
Because he is my Hero!

Nothing Exciting to Report

   We started off this week on a good foot. I can tell life is going to be fast paced for the next several months during football. We get to meet my oldest son's teacher tomorrow so he and I are excited about that. I hope everyone has a good week.

Regain control of my house and life.

   This past week has been busy as usual. However, I accomplished the main goal I wanted to, which was to start to get into a routine with daily life. This week my goal is to regain control of my house. I've gotten to the point of too busy but I don't know that there is anywhere to cut back. My oldest son starts school this week so that will be another added piece to getting our routine going again. My youngest son is struggling some in school so I hope to come up with a solution to that this week. But ultimately I plan on tackling the growing laundry pile and divide and conquer by taking over one room at a time. With all that said I thoroughly enjoyed my weekend of hanging out with some special people. Saturday was Nathan's second football scrimmage so I hung out with my mother-in-law there. I love how she makes it a point to come to all his games. Then my fellow army wife friend who is in town from out of state stopped by for a short visit and didn't mind the disarray that my house was in (and it really didn't matter to me either, it's kind of like having family over). After that, I got to go out on a girl's night with one of my friends and meet some new people. I ended up meeting an air force wife which was interesting. Of course today was church, where I got to hang out with some wonderful kiddos during service and share my heart with someone that genuinely listened. And to round off the weekend I met up with my army wife support group and had a back to school bash cookout. There is just something about getting together with others that are going through the same thing that is comforting. Plus, I love how my kids get to meet and hang out with other kids that have their Dad's deployed too. So even though, I'm a little sad I didn't conquer the growing laundry pile at my house this weekend as much as I would normally, I sure am thankful for some great fellowship along this journey of deployment.

Why I Don't Post Everyday.

   I started this blog on the first of January 2011 with the intention of blogging everyday through December 31st 2011 and most likely longer. However, I did not realize how difficult this deployment would be when I initiated this blog, so therefore, I have needed to take some sanity breaks, sometimes just because of vacations and things, other times just because I was exhausted and didn't feel up to it, and other times because I didn't really want to write what I was thinking and feeling. However, I still think I've only missed a handful of days maybe a week or two at most in seven months is pretty good, especially when it's purely my own motivation to do this :) And for anyone that cares to know I am a pretty optimistic person, but this deployment has also made me face the reality and not hide in my own little denial corner. It's kind of hard to do that with the things we are facing this time around.
   I find hope in my relationship with Jesus, my family and my friends, and just getting through the daily tasks knowing I'm doing the best job back here at home. However, with all that said there are some pretty hard topics that my family and the other families of our deployed soldiers this time are facing and I think those thoughts need to be expressed too. So what it's worth I'm going to continue what I'm doing, if you like it, read it, if not, it won't offend me for you to hide me :) Thanks all, have a good night sleep, know that my husband is defending your freedom.

Talk with my Mom!

   I've learned that it's not always healthy for me to say everything I'm thinking, although this is a hard thing for me to put into practice, especially when I am particularly passionate about something. Right now, with all the things going on overseas it's difficult to put my feelings into words. It's a big roller coaster and a lot of the things I want to say probably are not the safe things. Sometimes I need to vent and get it out of my system. Today my Mom did something for me that I appreciate, she let me talk and feel heard. So many times I feel invisible, like people don't care, or at the very least don't know what to say. After all, war and having a husband in harm's way isn't exactly small talk or ice breaker material. However, I can't keep all my feelings bottled up or one of these days they will just explode. And for all of us (because I'm one of them too) that complain or simply understand that our families don't really get this military life, and let's face it, they don't unless they've lived it themselves sometimes a simple listening ear goes a long way. I think though my Mom has learned over these last three deployments what can and cannot be helpful. I sure am thankful for the support of my parents. I must say I feel grateful for such supportive parents of this life that Adam and I have chosen even though it's so much more than we knew (or he knew when he initially signed up). And that's saying a lot since they were both brought up pacificist.

A Song for today.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWrMeBR8W-c

Sisterhood

   Another busy day, nothing exciting going on here. Although I did get to talk to an army wife today that I've been friends with for about seven years. I can't tell you how nice it is to be able to share my frustrations with someone that gets it. We may not be exactly alike (because I'm sure we've got differences) but we share a history and we've been through a lot of the same things and sometimes that's almost like family, or if you will, the family I've chosen for my own (it's a different kind of sisterhood) :)

Busy!

Whew, I hit the ground running and never stopped today. Time for some sleep.

Routine

   I'm looking forward to starting this week off and getting back into a routine here at our house. Off to bed for me so I can wake up ready to start the week off on a good foot.

Weekend!

We had a really productive day and also relaxing :) After jumping back into life right after vacation we need this weekend to help us catch up on some rest. Nathan had his first scrimmage too and he played quite a bit and had a lot of fun. I even took an hour nap! On to another productive and relaxing day tomorrow. I'm going to bed to try and catch up on some more sleep.

What a Week!

   It's been a very busy week and I'm just thankful Friday is here. It was a week of new beginnings and transitions. Jacob started pre kindergarten this week. Nathan had his first football practice and has his first scrimmage tomorrow morning bright and early. So many things I want to get done this weekend but what I really need is some relaxation and some quite time to sit time and read a good book. Maybe if I can get it all done?! Ha, like that would ever happen. Hope everyone has a great weekend! Take time to enjoy your family and loved ones in whatever you are doing. I wish my hubby was here for all these firsts.

Saw this on a friend's fb today......

Need I Say More?

http://www.newson6.com/story/15220493/deadliest-week-for-oklahoma-soldiers-in-afghanistan

Isolation

   More bad news. I think it's time for some isolation. In all honesty, I know that would be extremely unhealthy but it's just my feelings these days. I don't think humans are made for this sort of news day in and day out. Lord, be my strength.
Isaiah 40:28-29
Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom.

29He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.

Not Much To Say.....

   I took a day off from blogging yesterday. I'm having a difficult time dealing with the losses we are incurring overseas. I needed a break to just focus on me and my kiddos. However, this morning I was informed that we lost another one of our guys. This of course hits even closer to home. Praying for the families of these guys. There are no words. Trying to combat the fear that next time it could be our family to have to deal with this.
John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." Hanging onto these words of hope for now.

Family

   So last night was difficult, no doubt about it. However, today I'm trying to get back on a more positive side. Which actually makes me feel a little guilty for the hearts of the families that I'm sure are breaking today. Knowing myself though, I just have to keep pushing on, or else I won't be any good for myself, my hubby, or my kids. I'm visiting my hubby's family in Canada and enjoying just hanging out with them and letting my boys play with their cousin. Although parenting on vacation without my hubby can be some what exhausting. At least I'm blessed with a great family on his side. I hear lots of story about in laws but I must say I value the relationship I have with my hubby's family. Family is family no matter how close or far you live from each other.